he was CRYING into my vagina
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
