I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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