are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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