It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
