he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
