You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
