he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
