I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
