remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
