Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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