You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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