i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
