you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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