If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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