I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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