I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
