Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
