Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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