I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
