why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
