Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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