This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
