I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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