Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
