It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize