just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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