I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
