That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
