My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
