I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You took a bar mat shot.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
