Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
