mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
