I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She told me I should be a condom model.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
