Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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