This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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