some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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