I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
