Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize