You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
