I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
