There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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