My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
