We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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