Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
