so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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