All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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