We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
