I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
