we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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