Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
His nipple licking is glorious
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