So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
