bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
