i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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