Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
