Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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