I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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