it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
