i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
