I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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