Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
the condom got lost in my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize