How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
