based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
