No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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