I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
