apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
