Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
