Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
