she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
